mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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