yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
