Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
