it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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