so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
