Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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