I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
