Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
