so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize