I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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