yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
