Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
