My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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