oh god the rape fog is back!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
