Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
