why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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