I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
