the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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