i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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