Moan for me like Helen Keller
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize