I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
