Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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