I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ttyl tear gas
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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