my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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