Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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