you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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