Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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