i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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