he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
