I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
