I think my fart just growled at me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
