how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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