He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My ATM looks so different sober.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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