I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
