Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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