I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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