Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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