How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
