epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
