I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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