I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
