I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
