dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
