I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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