just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
