did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
