pedialite and red bull = repair kit
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
