I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
