How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
