Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
