Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
