drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize