Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
