My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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