Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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