The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
