why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
