did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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