shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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