the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
