I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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