How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
