New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
