He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
