I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
