I love having hate sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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