You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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