babies were throwing up all over the place
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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