I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
