All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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