i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh god it's open bar.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
